


Idolise Yourself

by ShippedTrash



Category: ASTRO (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: A.K.A very morbid humour, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Idols, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Jihoon and Yoongi are distantly related, Jimin and Jungkook's friendship thrives off them being absolute dicks to each other, Kim Namjoon | RM & Jackson Wang Are Best Friends, Light Angst, M/M, References to Suicide, Stalker, Stalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-06-08 19:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15250434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShippedTrash/pseuds/ShippedTrash
Summary: Min Yoongi: i never spend any fucking time with any of you and this is the resultMin Yoongi: its also the reason why i never spend time with yall, yall too busy being fucking dense as fuckKim Seokjin: SHIT ARE YOU LIKE LOWKEY COMING OUT TO US RN YOONGIMin Yoongi: no. . . .Basically a Canon AU but in a parallel world where everything is slightly different and 100x worse than usual.





	1. 04.12

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This is not accurate representation of any of these groups. In the slightest. It's fucking weird, stupid and completely warped. That being said, please enjoy it. Don't be put off by anything I've said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.  
> Please enjoy this. I dont remember when I wrote it, but it probably took five minutes and I'm posting it now instead of later because I'm bored. 
> 
> Again, enjoy.

**BTS Official Member GC**  
**04.12 09:39**

Kim Seokjin: so after that incident i decided we needed a more effective way to communicate

Jung Hoseok: y have we never done this before  
Jung Hoseok: we have lived togeteher for like years

Kim Seokjin: thanks for that hoseok  
Kim Seokjin: that was my other reason for creating this, because we have been friends for quite some time and having a groupchat is convenient

_Jung Hoseok has changed their nickname to Hobi._

Hobi: im satssfied

Kim Seokjin: this is for EMERGENCIES

 _Park Jimin changed their nickname to Chimchim._  
_Kim Taehyung changed their nickname to Taetae._

Kim Seokjin: are you all done

Kim Namjoon: Specify ‘emergencies’

Kim Seokjin: EMERGENCIES joon EMERGENCIES

Kim Namjoon: Great, well, we have practice so everyone needs to be in the car within the next ten minutes  
Kim Namjoon: Someone tell hyung and Jungkook

Chimchim: ill tell yoongi

Kim Namjoon: Would it kill you to also tell Jungkook

Chimchim: yes

Kim Namjoon: Dear Lord

 

 **BTS Official Member GC**  
**04.12 17:42**

Jeon Jungkook: i cant find my laptop  
Jeon Jungkook: someone help me

Kim Seokjin: look after your stuff next time

Jeon Jungkook: ??????????

Chimchim: hes mad bc you knocked over his water bottle

Jeon Jungkook: it was an accident i dont think i can be held responsible when HE LEFT IT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM

Kim Seokjin: you have functional eyes do you not

Jeon Jungkook: im sorry okay  
Jeon Jungkook: can someone PLEASE help me find my laptop  
Jeon Jungkook: hyung is literally goin to kill me

Chimchim: lmao have fun loser

Jeon Jungkook: omg

Kim Namjoon: It’s in the kitchen

Jeon Jungkook: who the fuck touched my laptop

Kim Seokjin: language

Chimchim: fuck

Taetae: shit

Hobi: dicks  
Hobi: also it were me

Chimchim: give up jinnie hyung

Kim Seokjin: cancel yourself

Jeon Jungkook: why are you touchin my stuff  
Jeon Jungkook: why are you goin into my room wtf??????

Hobi: im a mam of mamy mysteries what can i say

Chimchim: he was probably online shoppin and chargin it to your account

Hobi: liar

Kim Namjoon: Are you meeting Yoongi in his studio?

Jeon Jungkook: yeah why

Kim Namjoon: Can you check if I left a USB there  
Kim Namjoon: I messaged him but he hasn’t seen it yet

Jeon Jungkook: sure  
Jeon Jungkook: touch my laptop again and youre dead to me hoseok hyung

Kim Seokjin: jimin where are you

Chimchim: working on vocals with tae why

Kim Seokjin: it’s your turn to make dinner

Chimchim: can i tag out tonight

Hobi: i’d tag in but that would meen going to the corner shop to buytramyeon

Chimchim: i can jus order pizza

Taetae: awwww yiissssss

Kim Seokjin: i don’t know what time everyone’s getting back so that’s probably the best idea actually

Kim Namjoon: Yoongi and Kooks should be back by 8

Chimchim: me n tae wont be back till quarter to

Kim Seokjin: what are you two up to

Chimchim: vocal practice dw bout it

Hobi: sounds fake but okay

Chimchim: i will shave your head in your sleep

Hobi: have fun ith your songong!!!!!!!! Your godds of the vocal word!!!!!! Highting!!!!!!!

Kim Namjoon: I really think you need to reconsider autocorrect  
Kim Namjoon: It can’t be worse than… now

Hobi: nu uh that shitss evll

Kim Seokjin: language

Hobi: lANguAgE

Kim Seokjin: I Am Older Than You

Hobi: yeah superrr old n wirnlky

Kim Seokjin: starve choke die

 

 **BTS Official Member GC**  
**04.12 21:23**

Kim Seokjin: 'vocal practice'  
Kim Seokjin: 'back by quarter to'

Chimchim: were in the car now

Kim Seokjin: DRIVING????

Taetae: we cant drive  
Taetae: when have we ever drove  
Taetae: why would we drive

Kim Seokjin: we saved you pizza  
Kim Seokjin: thanks for ordering it jimin-ah

Chimchim: ill skip the pizza ive had ramyeon

Kim Seokjin: not a real dinner

Jeon Jungkook: why would you eat when you knew there was food at the dorm

Chimchim: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Hobi: we’re having a movie night becaue we have a late start tomorrow since wne only have weighing and physicals and whatnot

Taetae: what movies what movies

Kim Seokjin: we’re waiting for you two before we decide so please hurry up

Chimchim: jus choose somethin now so by the time we get back we can jus start it

Hobi: see i told you he d say

Kim Seokjin: i suppose you did  
Kim Seokjin: alright see you soon

Taetae: someone put the kettle on also!!!!  
Taetae: please  
Taetae: hello?????  
Taetae: ;-;

 

**BTS Official Member GC**  
**05.12 13:56**

Kim Namjoon: Have Jimin, Jungkook and Yoongi been let out yet?

Kim Seokjin: kooks out  
Kim Seokjin: jimin's now out

Kim Namjoon: Do you know what they're talking to Yoongi about? They refused to tell me

Chimchim: probably the smoking ngl  
Chimchim: 'watch your weight, you might need to start dieting again' consider this, I don't do either of those things and instead be happy and healthy

Jeon Jungkook: i mean at least they aren't forcing us to diet

Chimchim: yet

Kim Seokjin: maybe cut down on the midnight snack parties

Chimchim: uhmmm

Kim Seokjin: :) i see all  
Kim Seokjin: also the managers are trying their best so cut them some slack

Min Yoongi: yo

Chimchim: 'cut the smoking'

Min Yoongi: ding fucking ding

Kim Seokjin: language

Taetae: look at those phsycic powers

Kim Namjoon: It really is for the best if you stop smoking. It's dangerous hyung.

Min Yoongi: mmmm yeah I wasn't aware thanks for the fucking reality check namjoon  
Min Yoongi: they also told me I gotta redo the melody of run

Kim Namjoon: There's nothing wrong with it though?

Min Yoongi: tell that to the managers

Taetae: I think prefer our old manager

Jeon Jungkook: I think we all do tbh these guys are assholes

Kim Seokjin: language  
Kim Seokjin: namjoon please

Kim Namjoon: I know, I know.  
Kim Namjoon: I've got a meeting with them later so if you have anything you want me to bring up that isn't inappropriate then tell me before then.

Chimchim: I don't see why me and kookie need to watch our weight when it's perfectly healthy  
Chimchim: we don't weigh that much either

Kim Namjoon: Noted. And no I'm not bringing up smoking, you really need to stop.

Min Yoongi: weren't gonna say shit joons

Kim Seokjin: so you're going to stop

Min Yoongi: no

Jeon Jungkook: aww do you care about me jiminie

Chimchim: choke

Jeon Jungkook: can you ask them to actually tell us when stuff is happnin hyung  
Jeon Jungkook: bc maybe if they did that we wouldnt have situations like, idk, saturday

Kim Namjoon: Okay, will do, although that was partially my fault.

Taetae: unrelated but the light bulb in our living room blew and we need a new one  
Taetae: thats just a uh  
Taetae: general concern, cause i dunno what to do

Kim Seokjin: taehyung  
Kim Seokjin: you replace it

Taetae: yes jin hyung

Hobi: jiminie jingkookie where are your, mum waiting

Chimchim: are you my mummy??

Jeon Jungkook: nerd

Chimchim: I saw you typin the exact same thing you liar  
Chimchim: jins dropping us off

Kim Seokjin:...

Chimchim: *jin HYUNG

Hobi: this I'd what autocorrect does  
Hobi: I dont even understood what I’m saying

Kim Namjoon: Either that or you learn to spell

Hobi: well shit

Kim Seokjin: I'm gonna wring your neck LANGUAGE

Hobi: YEET


	2. 06.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim Seokjin: i’m disowning all of you
> 
> Chimchim: youre not my dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dates correspond with 2016 I dont know why, they just do. I thought I'd matched them up with 2017 but apparently not so. Anyway the timeframe is muddled the fuck up. This isn't actually set in 2016 it just uses the dates and corresponding days, and the timeline of the fic is different to the timeline in real life.

**BTS Official Member GC**  
**06.12 18:34**

Kim Seokjin: where is everyone

Kim Namjoon: Jimin and Yoongi are staying behind, Hoseok and I are making a quick detour to the studio quickly and Tae is asking the vocal coach something.

Kim Seokjin: jimin and yoongi are missing dinner?

Kim Namjoon: Yeah.

Hobi: they were held behind for complaints  
Hobi: COMPILING  
Hobi: COMPLAINING

Taetae: seriously???

Kim Namjoon: No they weren't, ignore Hoseok. 

Taetae: nu uh dun believe you 

Kim Namjoon: Anyway, the managers just want to know what exactly Jimin and Yoongi have problems with, nothing more, don’t worry everyone Hobi.

Hobi: or they could be kidnappihng them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 dun dun DUN

Kim Namjoon: No.

Hobi: but

Kim Namjoon: No.

Jeon Jungkook: i thought this was only for emergencies

Kim Seokjin: technicalities  
Kim Seokjin: we can still use it for emergencies

Jeon Jungkook: so its just a friendly group chat? To communicate? Like no one needs to see this, it's just for bonding and shit like IRL but 11x better

Kim Seokjin: i guess?

Jeon Jungkook: thank fuck can you all hurry the fuck up please

Kim Seokjin: LANGUAGE

Jeon Jungkook: you dont tell me not to swear irl

Taetae: exposed

Kim Seokjin: i’m gonna kick your ass you brat

Jeon Jungkook: language

Kim Seokjin: cute, real cute

Jeon Jungkook: :)

Kim Namjoon: Why has the entire mood of the groupchat shifted now.

Jeon Jungkook: i thought the staff might be able to see this or that it was a formal kinda thing or we were just gonna ignore each other like we do IRL so now that i know its not i dont fuckin care

Taetae: whys the maknae got the biggest potty mouth outta all of us

Kim Namjoon: Actually Yoongi swears the most, then Jungkook

Taetae: ooh ooh!! jimin also swears a ton when he’s tired!!!

Kim Seokjin: i’m disowning all of you

Chimchim: youre not my dad

Taetae: your dad is rlly rlly nice chim  
Taetae: kinda miss him :(

Chimchim: eww wtf

Kim Namjoon: How would anyone but us be able to see this chat Kook?

Jeon Jungkook: im paranoid bite me okay   
Jeon Jungkook: also Hurry the Fuck Up bc its cold and jin wont let me get in the car

Kim Seokjin: suffer for what you’ve done

Hobi: on our way cookie

 

**BTS Official Member GC**  
**10.12 20:34**

Jeon Jungkook: what  
Jeon Jungkook: the fuck

Kim Seokjin: language

Jeon Jungkook: who came up with the idea of 12 hour practices and only three breaks because whoever it was is fucking dead

Taetae: for once i agree?????? did they have the heaters on or smth bc it was boiling in there as well  
Taetae: im sweating so much rn i think i might be crying  
Taetae: even our dance teacher was done with it!!!!! four days in a row!!!!  
Taetae: and we're not even going over anything we don't know!!!!</p>

Kim Seokjin: you know you can say this out loud we’re all in the same car

Chimchim: the managers driving right next to you do you really think theyre dumb enough to slag him off in front of his face

Kim Seokjin: would’ve thought you’d be joining in by now

Chimchim: no point plus im tired

Hobi: you guys will be let off anyone because you've foe school

Chimchim: nu uh were all doing online classes now

Hobi: huh that's convenor  
Hobi: convenient

Chimchim: yeah, for evryone else  
Chimchim: wake me up when we get to the dorm

Jeon Jungkook: or we could just leave you to freeze in the car overnight?

Taetae: ILL WAKE YOU DW

Chimchim: thanks

Kim Namjoon: Change of plans for tomorrow, we’re doing dance in the morning 7 - 12 and then we’re going in for vocal practice and recording at half twelve and three. And then the day after we have an interview in the morning, dance ‘till five and then we’re free.

Taetae: that sounds so refreshing ommggg  
Taetae: im like excited for tomorrow

Jeon Jungkook: its got to be against some law makin us do so much for so long

Kim Seokjin: mmm don’t think so

Kim Namjoon: On Tuesday me and Yoongi hyung are going to look over Run again so if you could help us with that Hoseok I’d be extremely thankful because Yoongi is just getting more and more pissed every time they tell him it’s not good enough

Hobi: don’t wants to deal with a pissed yoongi

Kim Namjoon: Please  
Kim Namjoon: I am begging you

Hobi: buy me food peasant and I’ll considerate it  
Hobi: *consider  
Hobi: I hate autocorrect :(

Kim Namjoon: Deal.

Kim Seokjin: namjoon why aren’t you sitting up front  
Kim Seokjin; why do i have to

Kim Namjoon: Because you’re the oldest and I can’t listen to manager hyung-nim going on about useless nonsense anymore  
Kim Namjoon: ‘When did you debut’ ‘Why don’t you all have stage names’ ‘My son can sing as well as any of you can, he’s going to be a great doctor’ which doesn’t make any sense whatsoever?

Taetae: i love me a doctor who can sing

Jeon Jungkook: i love me a doctor who can do their job

Taetae: you gotta have an broad mind jungkookie ~~~

Jeon Jungkook: yes ill appreciate my broad mind when im dead will i

Taetae: :(

Min Yoongi: can you all turn your fucking phone brightness down

Taetae: i can turn it up

Min Yoongi: taehyung if you want to keep your fucking phone youll turn your fuckin brightness down

Taetae: done done done pls dont kill me


	3. 12.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim Seokjin: yoongi please watch your language
> 
> Min Yoongi: not makin’ any promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the 'You are my dad, you're my dad, oogie boogie woogie' vine stuck in my head.  
> It's highly distracting.
> 
> Please dont question the random British slang, I don't know how it happened either.   
> Just for reference, the A in twat is not pronounced as an O. Don't do that. Thanks.

**BTS Official Member GC**  
**12.12 18:02**

Chimchim: am i naive

Taetae: no!!!!

Kim Seokjin: not really

Jeon Jungkook: nah youre just really dumb

Kim Seokjin: jungkook??

Chimchim: its okay i put thumbtacks in his shoes this morning

Kim Seokjin: you did what

Chimchim: i told him i did it dw  
Chimchim: i stuck a note to his door sayin ‘there are thumbtacks in all your shoes, have a good day you lil bitch’

Kim Seokjin: language

Taetae: while this is rlly rlly funny why did u do that

Chimchim: because he laughed at me during practice on sunday when my voice cracked  
Chimchim: i did have an actual reason im not petty for no fuckin reason

Kim Seokjin: could’ve fooled me also language

Jeon Jungkook: i wasnt laughing

Taetae: no you definitely were bc i asked you and you said ‘bc his voice just cracked and hes gone so red’

Jeon Jungkook: i was laughing

Kim Seokjin: why were you asking anyway jimin

Chimchim: i was jus thinkin bout what someone said about me

Kim Seokjin: antis are horrible and toxic and liars you are loved and appreciated and talented and we wouldn’t have you any other way

Chimchim: uhm,,,, thanks but it was my brother  
Chimchim: he text me saying im a niave lil fool  
Chimchim: why did you assume it was anti??????

Kim Seokjin: i was just worried

Taetae: lol your brothers super cute

Chimchim: thats nice tae i dont care tae

Taetae: sigh

Jeon Jungkook: do you ever think jin sounds like your parents

Taetae: dont be a twat jiminie

Kim Seokjin: no i don’t

Jeon Jungkook: you sound like mine

Kim Seokjin: no i don’t

Jeon Jungkook: was a ‘twat’ jinnie hyung

Chimchim: just being myself darling

Kim Seokjin: nothing if you dont want me to beat you round the head

Jeon Jungkook: see, he sounds just like my parents

Kim Seokjin: uhhh,,,,,,,,,

Kim Namjoon: Where have you two got these British words from?

Taetae: AHA THEYRE FROM BRITISH

Kim Namjoon: Britain

Taetae: THEYRE FROM BRITAIN  
Taetae: i came across them when looking up english endearments and insults  
Taetae: guess it gave me a load of british ones  
Taetae: i think my favourite is lads  
Taetae: oh  
Taetae: my  
Taetae: god

_Taetae changed the group name to ‘Me ‘n My Lads’._

Kim Seokjin: tae no

Jeon Jungkook: its an improvement not gonna lie

Kim Namjoon: Lads?

Taetae: yeah!!!!  
Taetae: i found this cool ass phrase too

Kim Namjoon: Delightful

Taetae: ‘going for a cheeky nandos with the lads’  
Taetae: i havent gotten round to looking up what a nandos is yet

Hobi: wait why are we your ads  
Hobi: lads  
Hobi: I'm may own personal  
Hobi: I'm deleting autocorrect what the fuxking

Chimchim: please dont this is amusin

Hobi: fuxking isn’t a world I’m

Kim Seokjin: so what is everyone up to

Chimchim: in the dance studio

Kim Namjoon: With Yoongi and Hobi

Taetae: watching anime in my room

Chimchim: :( why are you watchin without me

Taetae: bc u wanted to keep dancing and im just not about that life jiminie

Kim Seokjin: who’s going to be back in time for dinner because i’m thinking of making jjajangmyeon

Chimchim: i wasnt plannin to be back till after ten

Kim Namjoon: We’ll get back whenever Yoongi stops throwing a fit and actually works

Min Yoongi: wouldn’t need to fucking work if they just accepted what I fucking gave them which was fucking fine but no I have to redo the entire melody for the third time in a fucking row

Kim Namjoon: So probably never

Hobi: hahahah no I'm leaving in an hire o can't deal with Yoongis tantrums

Kim Seokjin: yoongi please watch your language

Min Yoongi: not makin’ any promises

Kim Seokjin: i’ll take it  
Kim Seokjin: do you want me to drop food off joon

Kim Namjoon: We have ramyeon

Kim Seokjin: that’s not healthy

Kim Namjoon: We are aware.

Kim Seokjin: would you eat leftovers tomorrow

Kim Namjoon: Yoongi said not to cook for him but I will.

Chimchim: ill pass on the leftovers  
Chimchim: what are we doing tomorrow

Kim Namjoon: We’re in the studio from 7 - 12 and then we’re recording from 1 - 4.

Taetae: are we still recording i need u

Kim Namjoon: i think so

Taetae: lit

Kim Namjoon: Taehyung please.

Taetae: what :( english slang is so cool hyung :(


	4. 14.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taetae: ouch
> 
> Kim Seokjin: explain how that even remotely offended you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure where I was going with this, I cannot remember when I wrote it but I think it was 2 A.M. so there's that.

**Me ‘n My Lads**  
**14.12 20:58**

Kim Seokjin: where's jimin

Taetae: he's ditching me again and staying behind :(

Kim Seokjin: we already practice insane hours  
Kim Seokjin: should we not talk to him about this?

Taetae: he said he'd only be an hour

Jeon Jungkook: he needs the practice anyway

Kim Seokjin: jungkook

Jeon Jungkook: sorry, sorry

Kim Namjoon: We have a free day tomorrow so Jimin can rest then

Taetae: we do  
Taetae: then I wanna play games all day

Jeon Jungkook: ill play with you

Taetae: nu uh you were mean to jiminie

Jeon Jungkook: I said sorry  
Jeon Jungkook: he can join in as well n i wont say anythin

Taetae: deal

Kim Namjoon: I was going to go shopping, want to come with me Jin hyung?

Kim Seokjin: I'll have to or you'll mess it up somehow

Taetae: why don't u guys change ur usernames

Kim seokjin: because we have better things to do

Taetae: ouch

Kim Seokjin: explain how that even remotely offended you

Taetae: you got me there  
Taetae: wheres yoongi hyung  
  
Kim Namjoon: Studio

Kim Seokjin: working on what

Kim Namjoon: I have no idea? I don’t know if he’s actually working on anything worthwhile or just messing around.

Taetae: u know what we never do  
Taetae: we never just talk  
Taetae: like all together

Kim Seokjin: tae  
Kim Seokjin: we live together  
Kim Seokjin: we are constantly together  
Kim Seokjin: we’ve showered together and slept together  
Kim Seokjin: none of you know when to shut up  
Kim Seokjin: need I say more

Taetae: ur no fun jinnie hyung i meant we dont b o n d ~

Jeon Jungkook: what do you want us to do play twenty questions or some shit

Taetae: yes

Jeon Jungkook: no

Taetae: y e s  
Taetae: OOOOOHHHH LETS PLAY FUCK MARRY KILL

Min Yoongi: i’m up for fuck marry kill

Kim Seokjin: oml language  
Kim Seokjin: go back to your work yoongi

Min Yoongi: nams was right i wasn actually doing shit

Jeon Jungkook: yeah lets play fuck marry kill but with idols

Taetae: oooh spicy

Kim Seokjin: language

Kim Namjoon: You do know you can’t say that everytime someone says fuck right?

Kim Seokjin: watch your language

Taetae: okay so im starting because this way MY idea  
Taetae: kookie ~ fuck marry kill sana momo tsuyu

Jeon Jungkook: pass

Taetae: you cant do that?

Kim Seokjin: language

Min Yoongi: yeah if you pass you gotta change your fucking username

Jeon Jungkook: fuck momo marry sana kill tsuyu  
Jeon Jungkook: yoongi

Kim Seokjin: language

Kim Namjoon: This is going to get real old, real quick.

Jeon Jungkook: afterschool club hosts, eric kevin and jimin

Min Yoongi: fuck kevin marry jimin kill eric

Kim Seokjin: language

Jeon Jungkook: i jus heard you cursin because you couldnt get your foot into your shoe  
Jeon Jungkook: you told your shoe to fuck the wall with a brick

Kim Seokjin: :) say bye bye to what little life you have left

Taetae: odd choices yoongi

Min Yoongi: not really  
Min Yoongi: how the fuck is it odd

Taetae: idk i thought you wouldve fucked jimin

Kim Namjoon: dmfn

Taetae: namjoon??????????????????!!!!!111111111111

Kim Namjoon: Sorry, don’t mind me

Min Yoongi: its okay nams

Kim Namjoon: I fucking snorted, it is not okay

Kim Seokjin: language aside what’s going on

Jeon Jungkook: what taehyung was gettin at was wouldnt you rather fuck a female over a male

Min Yoongi: this is probably why we’ve refrained from making a groupchat for so long  
Min Yoongi: i wouldnt choose to fuck jimin ever  
Min Yoongi: and i wouldnt really fuck kevin but it was him or eric

Kim Seokjin: wait wait wait  
Kim Seokjin: you’d rather fuck a male  
Kim Seokjin: …  
Kim Seokjin: I'm not saying you can't have that preference but...  
Kim Seokjin: it just sounds, well

Jeon Jungkook: 'a little gay'

Kim Seokjin: for lack of better words, yes

Min Yoongi: i never spend any fucking time with any of you and this is the result  
Min Yoongi: its also the reason why i never spend time with yall, yall too busy being fucking dense as fuck

Kim Seokjin: SHIT ARE YOU LIKE LOWKEY COMING OUT TO US RN YOONGI

Min Yoongi: no

Kim Seokjin: SO YOU???? I???? MI X E DS IGNLAS

Kim Namjoon: Oh good, you’ve set him off

Min Yoongi: oops that was an accident

Taetae: that didnt sound sarcastic but theres a 100% chance it was

Jeon Jungkook: so what you’re like gay hyung

Min Yoongi: would you have a problem if i was

Jeon Jungkook: not really

Min Yoongi: good

Kim Seokjin: i’m such a bad person i can’t believe i just assumed you were Heterosexuals  
Kim Seokjin: this is why namjoon is the leader and not me

Kim Namjoon: To be honest I only know because he caught me when I was donating money and said ‘oh yes fund me up daddy’ and walked away while eating dry cereal.  
Kim Namjoon: It was an LGBT rights campaign and it took me a good ten minutes to clock.

Chimchim: iconic

Taetae: CHIMCHIM

Chimchim: TAETAE

Kim Seokjin: WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME

Min Yoongi: you never fucking asked

Kim Seokjin: OH MY FUCK HAVE I REALLY BEEN SO INSENSITIVE  
Kim Seokjin: ANY NON HETEROS ARE WELCOME I LOVE YOU IM SORRY IF IVE EVER SAID ANYTHING AND OFFENDED YOU I FEEL LIKE SUCH A DICK

Kim Namjoon: I guess we’re not going shopping anymore

Jeon Jungkook: is he sobbin  
  
Kim Namjoon: Yes.

Jeon Jungkook: nice, get a video

Min Yoongi: ignore jin ill crucify anyone else who says theyre gay

Taetae: what y

Min Yoongi: because i fucking claimed that title first

Jeon Jungkook: thats not how it works

Min Yoongi: too bad so sad i dont give a fucking fuck  
Min Yoongi: anyway how would you know? You gay too?

Jeon Jungkook: no

Min Yoongi: sure jan

Jeon Jungkook: suck a dick

Min Yoongi: no thanks  
Min Yoongi: i might be attracted to men but that doesnt mean im attracted to their dicks  
Min Yoongi: miss me with that gay shit

Chimchim: wait wait  
Chimchim: this is out of pure curiosity  
Chimchim: but how would you rate your gaydar on a scale of one to ten

Jeon Jungkook: thats such an immature fuckin question

Min Yoongi: an eleven  
Min Yoongi: don’t think i aint got the tea on all you fuckers  
Min Yoongi: which translates to i know whether or not you’re a hetero and thats about it

Taetae: prove it  
Taetae: is there a reason my fashion sense is so damn good

Min Yoongi: yes

Taetae: holy shit hes the real deal

Kim Seokjin: WAIT WAIT I HAVE TWO GAY CHILDREN  
Kim Seokjin: IM USING GAY AS AN UMBRELLA TERM BECAUSE THATS A FUCKING THING

Taetae: i guess? surprise ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
Taetae: that felt unnecessarily good to get off my chest :’)

Kim Namjoon: He’s soaking through my favourite jumper somebody stop him

Jeon Jungkook: youre the leader you do

Taetae: HEY JIN HYUNG SWORE  
Taetae: THATS SO UNFAIR

Min Yoongi: nah you’re all like fucking five or some shit fetuses aren’t allowed to swear

Taetae: :(

Chimchim: i feel like were all more open here

Min Yoongi: yeah cause over text important shit is easier to say bc you dont have to worry about the other persons reaction

Chimchim: makes sense

Kim Namjoon: You only say that because you know if you made one of your stupid fucking jokes to my face, I’d book you a fucking therapy session

Min Yoongi: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ where is the lie tho

Chimchim: yoongi hyung doesnt say anythin relatively disturbin ever, like when was the last time I heard him speak, i feel like im missin out

Kim Namjoon: You don’t want him too

Taetae: namjoon and yoongi seem to know A LOT bout each other

Kim Namjoon: We text each other 90% we don’t talk to each other face to face

Kim Seokjin: omg we need to bond more  
Kim Seokjin: we could be unintentionally making each other feel uncomfortable or weirded out or offended because we don’t talk enough about ourselves

Chimchim: we all have people in the group we naturally gravitate to jin hyung  
Chimchim: i talk to tae and tae talks to me and kookie the most bc thats what were comfortable with  
Chimchim: yoongi hyung and namjoon talk to each other  
Chimchim: you talk to yoongi the most and then joons  
Chimchim: plus we have a maknae chat where we talk shit about all of you

Kim Seokjin: what

Taetae: i feel uncomfortable talking to jinnie hyung bc all he ever says is ‘laNgUAGe’ and it makes me want to cry :’(

Min Yoongi: your existence makes me want to cry  
Min Yoongi: fuck it if you want to fucking bond and be more personal y’all can all deal with what nams puts up with daily :)

Kim Namjoon: Fuck  
Kim Namjoon: Also, Tae, you made him start crying again

Hobi: srry couldnt find my ohine but I sensed someonr taking shit bout me

Chimchim: no one was xx

Hobi: wait wai tlmemme read the chat  
Hobi: ooohhh  
Hobi: okay im all cahgt up  
Hobi: you all talk too much its so hard to kepet trakc

Jeon Jungkook: you know sometimes i do find it weird that weve lived together for at least two years now but we barely know shit about each other  
Jeon Jungkook: we all just keep to ourselves  
Jeon Jungkook: gets real fucking awkward sometimes  
Jeon Jungkook: anyway im goin to bed see you losers later

Taetae: is no one gon talk about the jin hyung swearing bc i feel like we need to talk about it bc im upset bc its unfair

Kim Seokjin: I am literally your parent now shut the fuck you five year old foetus

Taetae: T^T MEANIE

Kim Seokjin: i’ve just adopted all of you, you’re all my actual children now  
Kim Seokjin: we are going to become a F A M I L Y if its the last thing any of us do

Min Yoongi: god i hope it is the last thing i do bc the idea of a family makes me want to die

Kim Namjoon: I’m blocking your number

Min Yoongi: :)

Kim Seokjin: im not cooking tonight by the way so if your lazy asses want food you have to make it yourself or get some leftovers

Min Yoongi: :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted them to play fuck marry kill but as soon as I started writing that I think I got bored of it so instead I made Yoongi come out.  
> I'm questioning my own thought process, so you don't have to do it for me.


	5. 16.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim Seokjin: awww he’s making friends
> 
> Jeon Jungkook: weve been friends for over a year?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the time I post this I would've watched Astro's live performance of Always You (which was posted just over an hour ago) a total of 7 times.

**Me ‘n My Lads**  
**16.12 14:00**

Kim Namjoon: I hate how we haven’t changed the group chat name

Min Yoongi: i hate how im still alive after walking across the road without looking both ways i really thought i was onto something you know

Kim Namjoon: Shut the fuck up

Jeon Jungkook: ahh my daily dose of comedy i was wonderin when it would appear

Chimchim: i was wonderin when you would disappear but apparently god likes me as much as he likes yoongi hyung :(

Hobi: you vevr notive how jungkook a d jimin tye in the same way  
Hobi: its probably because theyr eboth from busan

Taetae: me and hyung dont type the same tho

Hobi: yeah but your from daegu  
Hobi: itds differnet

Kim Namjoon: Anyway, I came here with a genuine announcement  
Kim Namjoon: All our schedules for today have been cancelled due to ‘unspecified reasons’ and we’re require to stay indoors until at least 7pm except for Yoongi who’s being picked up for a meeting with our managers in half an hour

Min Yoongi: guess i’ll die

Kim Namjoon: Please stop

Chimchim: do we have to stay home

Kim Namjoon: No, just indoors

Chimchim: ill join hyung on his journey to the company then

Kim Seokjin: i think i’ll watch that new drama that’s came ot yesterday

Jeon Jungkook: i can go to a friends dorm right?

Chimchim: you need to go to a real place jungkookie

Jeon Jungkook: haha haha ha

Kim Seokjin: who’s dorm

Jeon Jungkook: yugyeoms

Kim Namjoon: GOT7?

Jeon Jungkook: yep

Kim Seokjin: awww he’s making friends

Jeon Jungkook: weve been friends for over a year?

Kim Seokjin: i didn’t care about you a year ago  
Kim Seokjin: you’ll all be eating good tonight because i have time to make a real nice meal  
Kim Seokjin: i went shopping yesterday as well

Chimchim: dont think ill be back early enough

Kim Seokjin: how long are you staying at the studio for

Chimchim: till ten

Min Yoongi: i wont be back period

Kim Seokjin: why

Min Yoongi: because i dont like you

kIm Seokjin: youre not meeting to talk about smoking or the run melody again are you

Min Yoongi: surpisingly i havent smoked once in the past week and i can actually feel myself inching closer to death with every breath i take

Jeon Jungkook: pretty sure its the other way round

Min Yoongi: pretty sure i dont give a single fuck

Kim Namjoon: Can I please delete this groupchat?

Kim Seokjin: no because we're actually communicating and learning about one another after two+ years of living together suck it up

Kim Seokjin: tae come join me in the living room

Taetae: do u have ice cream

Kim Seokjin: yes

Taetae: YEET OMW

Kim Seokjin: two weeks ago I would've watched the drama by myself because I wouldn't know if tae was free to watch it with me

Kim Namjoon: I don't need examples as to why this groupchat was a good idea hyung.

Kim Seokjin: actions are stronger than words joonie

 

**Maknae Line  
16.12 19:58**

Gull: log 586. Things hoseok does that concern us - #choking

Alien: sometimes i dnt know if im glad that we started logging everything dodge our hyungs do  
Alien: mostly hobi tho bc it just progressively gets worse  
Alien: did he ambush u when u walked in or smth

Gull: yES  
Gull: i walked in and he dragged me over to the sofa and sat on and started strokin my neck and then put his hands around it and touched our noses together  
Gull: he???? didnt even??????? say anythin to me???????  
Gull: it wasnt aggressive or anythin just really weirdly affectionate and uncomfortable????

Mochi: ive told you once and ill tell you twice, that man is a whole ass dom  
Mochi: hes just assertin his authority  
Mochi: ive learned to accept the sad truth, you must too

Gull: that or he has a neck kink

Mochi: eww no why would you say that

Alien: u might be onto smth kooks

Gull see

Mochi: are you sayin we should be thankful he doesnt actually choke us  
Mochi: because i agree that is the one way it could get worse

Alien: if u asked him hed probs say ‘consensual choking is the way to go’ and that would be that

Gull: jus ask yoongi

Mochi: why

Gull: because theyre friends…?

Mochi: and

Gull: because yoongi seems to be the most observant out of all of us  
Gull: aaaaannd ive caught him hackin my laptop before

Mochi: you didnt say anythin????

Gull: IT WAS TERRIFYING OKAY he could of been doin anythin  
Gull: how many times before has he done it  
Gull: is he readin these messages as i send them

Alien: ...

Gull: i thought you were practisin jimin

Mochi: five minute break

Gull: bit longer than five minutes

Mochi: ten minute break  
Mochi: im gettin up again now tho

Gull: i know i said this ages ago but you dont actually need the practice  
Gull: jus thought I should apologise

Mochi: without anyone else seein

Gull: pretty much

Mochi: d'aww its okay if you did apologise in front of everyone theyd think you were being a sarcastic lil shit

Alien: look at my two favourite people :’)

Mochi: youre one of my favourite people too tae :*  
Mochi: kooks youre like no. 3

Gull: behind who???

Mochi: yoongi

Gull: the audacity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's raining a lot now which is great because I hate heatwaves and summer. I'm a Winter baby through and through, sign me the fuck up for some cold ass weather. 
> 
> Please leave kudos if you liked, many thank.


	6. 17.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim Namjoon: Choke
> 
> Min Yoongi: hope I fucking do

**Me ‘n My Lads**  
**17.12 00:23**

Min Yoongi: im here im gay and im ready to pass away  
Min Yoongi: ill pay someone to push me into the road

Chimchim: do it yourself

Min Yoongi: too tired

Chimchim: maybe you should stop workin

Min Yoongi: I said i wasn't gonna be back so  
Min Yoonfi: you left an hour late

Chimchim: you got receipts

Min Yoongi: no but our driver likes me

Chimchim: mr choi sleeps with me on sundays xoxo

Min Yoongi: fucking knew it the fucking cheater

Kim Seokjin: what are you doing

Min Yoongi: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Kim Seokjin: please don't talk about our driver like that  
Kim Seokjin: it's just weird  
Kim Seokjin: and creepy  
Kim Seokjin: jimin do you mind going to sleep

Chimchim: yeah i do  
Chimchim: i was gonna stay up and do homework

Kim Seokjin: can't you do that whenever

Chimchim: just because its online doesnt mean I dont have deadlines

Kim Seokjin: if you're not asleep by 1 you're sleeping in my room

Chimchim: guess ill die ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Kim Namjoon: Don’t encourage him

Min Yoongi: please do

Kim Seokjin: go to bed  
Kim Seokjin: we have to be up before five

Chimchim: i can live on 3 hours its fine

Kim Seokjin: nO

Chimchim: fINE

Kim Seokjin: yoongi  
Kim Seokjin: dont work all night

Min Yoongi: what ya gonna fucking do about it

Kim Seokjin: you forget who has your spare key

Min Yoongi: I promise cross my heart and hope to throw myself into oncoming fucking traffic on a fucking highway

Kim Namjoon: Choke

Min Yoongi: hope I fucking do

Chimchim: wouldnt be yoongi without the unnecessary swearing

Min Yoongi: wouldn't be jimin without the unnecessary comments

Kim Seokjin: jimin namjoon BED NOW

Chimchim: yes mama jin

Kim Seokjin: im-

Kim Namjoon: night mama jin

Min Yoongi: bye

Kim Seokjin: adopt kids they said  
Kim Seokjin: it'd be fun they said  
Kim Seokjin: you won't be dead inside by age 20 they said

Chimchim: jin youre 21?

Kim Seokjin: J I M I N

Chimchim: hzjabznswj

 

 **Me 'n My Lads**  
**17\. 07 05:56**

Kim Namjoon: We have three different interviews to get through today,  
Kim Namjoon: but we're already delayed.

Hobi: by ten minytes  
Hobi: I'm rady now

Kim Namjoon: The worst thing about this is I'm stuck up front again with our manager because I decided to wait for you.

Chimchim: how longs the drive

Kim Namjoon: Two hours

Chimchim: are we pickin up yoongi hyung

Kim Namjoon: Yeah he's going in your car

Chimchim: why am i stuck with the oldest

Kim Namjoon: Because you were supposed to be with me and Hobi, but Jin didn't want to be stuck with the manager so he asked to go in your car instead to pick up Yoongi because the manager needed to brief me on something.

Taetae: is yoongi even awake rn

Min Yoongi: yes I am  
Min Yoongi: haven't slept at all ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
Min Yoongi: you were going to shove me in with taehyung and jungkook???? The fuck why

Kim Namjoon: Because I'm the leader and the leader says fuck you

Min Yoongi: I'm still older asshole

Chimchim: no one wants tae or kookie around them this early  
Chimchim: they should get a car to themselves really

Taetae: OI

Chimchim: i bet youre playin twice at full volume or some shit

Hobi: tgey are its greaf

Chimchim: im goin to sleep as soon as we pick yoongi up lmao have fun namjoon hyung xxx

Hobi: I thiugjt tae said jimin got pissy wheb he's tirdd

Chimchim: im not tired i just need sleep

Taetae: pray u never see a tired jimin  
Taetae: it's like the devil possesses his soul or smth

Chimchim: ooh we arrived adios motherfuckers time to catch some zzzzzzs


	8. 18.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King: You could sue them for that you know
> 
> Jisoos: I couldn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wiggly arms*

**thirteen + four = gay**  
**18.12 12:01**

King: I'm cutting my hair

Coups: who pissed off jeonghan

King: No one pissed me off I just want to cut my hair

Coups: who pissed off jeonghan

Hoshi: lol i did  
Hoshi: i gave him  
Hoshi: a man bun  
Hoshi: and told him that he  
Hoshi: looks  
Hoshi: cute as heck

King: I take it back  
King: I'm cutting a bitch instead

Hoshi: SHIT

Channie: don't swear in front of me hyung

Hoshi: go complain to daddy  
Hoshi: wait  
Hoshi: do not complain to  
Hoshi: jeonghan please chan

Channie: :)

Hoshi: devil maknae  
Hoshi: be gone thot  
Hoshi: perish with  
Hoshi: the power of jisoo's  
Hoshi: pocket bible

Channie: josh's pocket bible is cute tho

Jisoos: It really is  
Jisoos: Except I can't actually fit it into my pocket and I don't appreciate the false advertisement

King: You could sue them for that you know

Jisoos: I couldn't

King: you could

Coups: stop trying to convert josh over to the dark side you melodramatic whiny loser

King: I'm not trying to convert him, god  
King: And don't be a coward, I know you wanted to call me a bitch  
King: And I'm not melodramatic, Seungkwan's melodramatic

Channie: actually, kwannies more F L AM BOY A N T

King: chan

Channie: ...yes?

King: Who's baby are you?

Channie: .............. jeonghanie-hyungs baby

King: Exactly, be quiet baby <3

Hoshi: where IS seungkwan

Jisoos: recording with ji

Coups: I thought jihoon didn't like seungkwan

Hoshi: no no seungkwan  
Hoshi: is loud and annoying  
Hoshi: but he's got a good voice and  
Hoshi: jihoon thinks he needed a  
Hoshi: distraction

King: He could've played video games, it's not like we have anything scheduled today he'll just end up fucking complaining about it tomorrow  
King: Why did Ji drag him off to record

Hoshi: i think its  
Hoshi: more of  
Hoshi: a mess about in a studio  
Hoshi: recording

Jisoos: I think seungkwan wanted to talk to ji anyway

Wonu: when has Seungkwan ever wanted to talk to Jihoon ever

King: No one asked for your opinion

Wonu: and no one asked for yours  
Wonu: why didn't Seungkwan just go complain to Hansol again

Coups: because vernon disappeared again and none of us can be bothered to actually pretend to care about him at the moment

Wonu: ah  
Wonu: do you ever think that we should maybe be less terrible people

King: We'd all rather be terrible than problematic

Wonu: too bad you're both hyung

King: That's a matter of your opinion and your opinion hasn't counted for the past 16 and a half years Wonwoo  
King: Do us all a favour and stop trying to be relevant

Hoshi: do you ever  
Hoshi: think, maybe, just  
Hoshi: maybe, jeonghan has gone too  
Hoshi: far

Wonu: whenever he opens his mouth, yes

Jisoos: I think Jeonghan's upset now

Channie: why?

Jisoos: Because he's hugging my waist and won't let go  
Jisoos: Oh, wait  
Jisoos: Because he didn't know whether to say sorry to Wonwoo

Wonu: tell him i was joking

Coups: were you

Wonu: you'll never know

Hoshi: jeonghn the  
Hoshi: secret softie

King: Cancel yourself Hoshi, I'm still going to beat your skinny ass into next year when I see you

Hoshi: OOF ABORT ABORT ABORT

Jisoos: Please come back, you were very comfortable to have around my waist

King: Fine  
King: Partly because I'm tired

Coups: when are you not

King: and partly because you're also comfortable chEOL PLEASE STOp fucking interrupting my texts thnks  
King: Night night kiddos, wake mama up when Kwan and Ji get back

Channie: it's lunchtime hyung

King: iT'S LuNcHTimE HyUNg

Hoshi: LMAO GET FUCKED CHAN

Channie: don't swear around minors hyung

Hoshi: we're all minors

Channie: wE'Re All mINorS  
Channie: don't talk back to me you skinny headass

Hoshi: I-

Channie: *headass hyung

Coups: so this conversation has ended pLEAse go back to you're individual activities before either chan or han legitimately murder someone thanks I don't think pledis would like our group to lose more members, the reason behind our name is a load of bullshit already, don't add to it


	9. 19.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> King: A diva's gonna die today
> 
> Jisoos: Hyung, no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I was watching Rick and Morty, I really can't remember :/

**thirteen + four = gay**  
**19.12 03:46**

Verno: american shows are so  
Verno: angering  
Verno: not in an 'they anger me' way but in a 'they inspire me to be a crazily violent person' but in a good way

Hoshi: so

Verno: you may ask questions

Hoshi: why are up at  
Hoshi: four am why  
Hoshi: are you watching american  
Hoshi: shows at four am why are  
Hoshi: you admitting to  
Hoshi: american shows  
Hoshi: inspiring you to be a crazily  
Hoshi: violent person at four am

Verno: my answer to all those questions is quite simple

Hoshi: it is?

Verno: I'm american

Hoshi: you're half

Verno: yes but I'm merican so

Hoshi: that doesn't explain why  
Hoshi: you're up  
Hoshi: at four am

Verno: I'm watching american shows

Hoshi: oh

Verno: wait a minute why are you awake

Hoshi:  
Hoshi: convenient subject change  
Hoshi: did you guys  
Hoshi: ever add jihoonie to your maknae chat

Verno: were we supposed to

Hoshi: he's not in our chat

Verno: oh

Hoshi: oops

Verno: did he come back with kwannie

Hoshi: mingyu would know  
Hoshi: but is mingyu awake

Verno: we can go into their room regardless we just have to be quiet  
Verno: if he's awake we can ask, if he isn't we can see if jihoon hyung is there

Hoshi: you make a good point  
Hoshi: my young dongsaeng

 

 **thirteen + four = gay**  
**19.12 07:34**

Gyu: How about you dont come into my room while im sleeping

Verno: we knocked

Gyu: I was asleep

Verno: we knocked loudly

Gyu: Again i was asleep  
Gyu: Why didn't you ask seungkwan

Verno: because seungkwan shares a room with jun and chan why would we disturb them

Boo: lmao nah I was awake most of the night

King: Why

Boo: I was playing video games

King: And why didn't you do that yesterday when we had an entire day off

Boo: because I was with Woozi hyung

King: Doing what

Verno: is an interrogation necessary

King: Shut up

Verno: k, good luck seungkwan

Boo: classified information hyung  
Boo: I'd tell you if I could

King: I'm the mother of 9 now

Jisoos: How is it nine

King: Cheollie doesn't count, you don't count, I don't count and now Seungkwan doesn't count.

Jisoos: Oh, okay

Boo: Woozi hyung said if you wanted to know, you need to ask him

King: Ha  
King: I'll pass  
  
Hoshi: where is jihoonie  
  
Boo: uh,,,,,,   
Boo: also classified hit him up if ya wanna know I gotta blast   
  
King: A diva's gonna die today  
  
Jisoos: Hyung, no

 

 **97' LINERS**  
**20.12 14:**

DoubleD: did u guys get time off for xmas

Gyu: We have christmas off and boxing day but we're not doing much atm so we have a lot of odd days off

Cooky: 24th - 29th motherfucking suck it up

DoubleD: m8 ur rude

Cooky: dont care

DoubleD: i'm older than u

Cooky: im better than you  
Cooky: besides youre not the oldest so

DoubleD: dk hardly online so it doesnt count

Dumb: I lurk  
Dumb: 95% of my time on my phone is lurking so don't think I don't see you

DoubleD: y0l0

_Dumb removed DoubleD from the chat._

Uggyeom: have you f-finally removed the e-evil

Cooky: y-yes

Uggyeom: don't mock me

Cooky: dOn't MoCk mE  
Cooky: you cant tell me what to do  
Cooky: im the golden maknae

Uggyeom: i'm the youngest  
Uggyeom: seokmin hyung

Dumb: Don't bully the maknae

Uggyeom: :)

Dumb: Not you

Cooky: :)

Uggyeom: favouritsm

Dumb: Is that a problem?  
Dumb: Everyone here is your hyung and you'd do well to remember that

Uggyeom: now you're threatening me thanks xx  
Uggyoem: k jacksons gonna lock me out if i don't add bambam back  
Uggyeom: he could just lock bambam out instead i stg he's a headass

Cooky: tell him to lock bambam out then

Uggyeom: he said no bc bambam promised to play mario kart with him does anyone wanna adopt me i hate this family

Cooky: we can swap  
Cooky: dont think anyone here would notice cause we both dance and sing well

Dumb: Didn't you say you guys barely interacted with each until earlier this month

Cooky: yeah pretty much  
Cooky: we were close acquaintances  
Cooky: friends but not f r i e n d s  
Cooky: companions  
Cooky: roommates

Dumb: Any they were roommates

Uggyeom: god they were roommates

Dumb: Anyway stop with your analogies we get your point you loser

 _Uggyeom added BAMBAM to the chat._  
_BAMBAM chaged his user to DoubleD._

DoubleD: what's up sluts

_DoubleD has been kicked from the chat._

Dumb: If jackson wants him added back tell him to hmu and we can work something out

Cooky: i gotta blast  
Cooky: i wasted my break talking to you losers

Uggyeom: you love us

Cooky: no i love seokmin hyung cause he plays favourites and im his favourite

Uggyeom: what an ugly reason

Cooky: yEEt im gettin yelled at byE

Dumb: My favourite dongsaeng :')

Uggyeom: what about your own dongsaengs in svt

Dumb: I stand by what I said, they can all choke


	10. 24.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim Namjoon: Don't encourage him
> 
> Chimchim: you cant tell me what to do

**Me 'n My Lads**  
**24.12 09:11**

Chimchim: hyung are you coming back after you drop kookie off

Kim Seokjin: nope  
Kim Seokjin: i'm getting the bus to my cousins  
Kim Seokjin: has taehyung left yet

Chimchim: as far as im aware...  
Chimchim: no, lol

Kim Seokjin: what if he misses his train???????

Min Yoongi: he's not going to miss his train because his train comes at half one

Kim Seokjin: oh  
Kim Seokjin: you sure you won't be lonely at the dorm

Chimchim: im not gonna be lonely or homesick  
Chimchim: im visitin my dad tomorrow and stayin over  
Chimchim: also yoongi hyung is stayin as well

Kim Seokjin: since when was yoongi staying

Min Yoongi: since fucking forever  
Min Yoongi: daegu is fucking great but  
Min Yoongi: I've got shit to do  
Min Yoongi: only reason I'd go back is for a fucking funeral  
Min Yoongi: specifically mine

Chimchim: beautiful :')

Kim Namjoon: Don't encourage him

Chimchim: you cant tell me what to do

Kim Namjoon: Actually I can, for a multitude of reasons

Chimchim: yeah thats fair  
Chimchim: im gonna go help taetae pack his shit

Kim Seokjin: he  
Kim Seokjin: i asked him yesterday  
Kim Seokjin: he said he was packed

Chimchim: i can guarantee that he is in no way packed  
Chimchim: i actually think he's lost his suitcase which

Min Yoongi: just throw all his shit into a bag  
Min Yoongi: he's a fucking dumbass if he's managed to lose his suitcase

Kim Seokjin: he always loses it why am I so surprised

Chimchim: hell probably find it  
Chimchim: its gonna be so nice to have a quiet dorm  
Chimchim: as long as i clean everythin up i can do whatever i want

Kim Namjoon: No you can't

Chimchim: whos gonna stop me hyung

Min Yoongi: I sure as hell ain't so yeah, who the fucks stopping him

Kim Namjoon: ... I'm coming back to the dorm

Kim Seokjin: Kim Namjoon do not dare

Min Yoongi: I'll fucking lock you out don't think I won't

Chimchim: PLEASE NO LET ME LIVE

Kim Namjoon: Fine but if anything happens, for the love of god do not call me or Jin hyung  
Kim Namjoon: Management is there for a reason

Min Yoongi: all management are good at is being an inconvenience  
Min Yoongi: hopped off their dick a long time ago, they ain't shit to me

Kim Namjoon: They hold your entire career in their hands hyung

Chimchim: management hates us both  
Chimchim: unless youre talkin about the styling noonas  
Chimchim: im pretty sure theyre all in love with me

Kim Namjoon: ,,,,,,

Chimchim: I WAS KIDDIN DONT CONSIDER COMING BACK WELL BE FINE

Min Yoongi: jimin  
Min Yoongi: shut the fuck up  
Min Yoongi: joon stop worrying for more than ten minutes and I'll try to function like a normal human fucking being

Kim Namjoon: I don't trust you in the slightest

Min Yoongi: you shouldn't

Kim Seokjin: okay stop  
Kim Seokjin: i'm gonna miss you all and i'm gone for a few days at most gughlfwskj  
Kim Seokjin: not even leaving Seoul  
Kim Seokjin: i'll see you all when i return  
Kim Seokjin: don't fucking touch any of the shit under the tree or I swear to god

Chimchim: we promise jinnie hyung

Min Yoongi: yeah what he said, but with a lot less conviction and sincerity

Kim Namjoon: Bye hyung

Kim Seokjin: BYEEEE

Kim Namjoon: Don't break anything

Min Yoongi: i wonder if my bones count

Chimchim: hey hyung

Min Yoongi: what

Chimchim: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

**Jingles - Yoongles  
** **24.12 09:22**

Jimin: wanna come with me to my dads  
Jimin: i dont like it that youre gonna be left alone  
Jimin: it wont be awkward at all and you can just nap in my room the entire time  
Jimin: I should still have the double bed as well

Yoongi: i'm fine where i am kid

Jimin: in the studio

Yoongi: precisely

Jimin: okay see this is what we not gon do  
Jimin: - be a hermit  
Jimin: ill msg my dad real quick, throw some shit in a bag okay hyung :)

Yoongi: no?

Jimin: ik for a fact that i can carry your featherweight ass

Yoongi: you fucking wouldn't

Jimin: well see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a Banging headache lads


	11. 24.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gyu: Seokmin's a bully  
> Gyu: Minghao back me up

**thirteen + four = gay**   
**24.12 18:59**

Gyu: Seokmin's a bully

Hoshi: MINGYU DON'T SAY THAT  
Hoshi: SEOKMINNIE HE DOESN'T MEAN IT  
Hoshi: YOU'RE GREAT

Gyu: Seokmin's a bully  
Gyu: Minghao back me up

Haohow: uhhhh,,,,, on what basis

Gyu: The 97' liners chat god minghao keep up

Haohow: sorry I was eating give a man a break

Gyu: You're eating cereal at 7 o'clock

Haohow: oh my fuck do you want me to back you up or not

Coups: why the fuck is Soonyoung screaming  
Coups: oh for fucks sake  
Coups: who's even in the 97' liners chat

Gyu: Me, seokmin minghao, yugyeom, bambam, jungkook  
Gyu: Seokmin's the oldest there although he wouldn't be if minghao hadn't kicked jaehyun from the chat

Haohow: he was being an absolute prick it was annoying me

Gyu: You're an absolute prick it used to be a democracy and now it's just a monarchy

Coups: this seems more like a you problem than anything else

Seokminnie: IM NOT MEAN STOP SLANDERING MY NAME MINGYU

Gyu: HOSHI

Hoshi: DONT BULLY THE SUN

Coups: again, this seems more like a you problem

Haohow: do you have gc

Coups: the only 95's we would have a gc with are Jimin and Taehyung however, Jeonghan's caught up on the fact that Taehyung and Joshua share a birthday and Joshua thinks we act too mature because we look after you babies all day and I don't want more kids I have to look after

King: We do have a groupchat where we bitch about you all though  
King: Like just now, for example, Cheollie was saying how fucking annoying you all were with your gradeschool drama  
King: A fair assessment if nothing else  
King: We have the next two days off remember  
King: If any of you try pulling anything, anything at all, tomorrow, I will wring your necks and hang you outside the window on the top floor of the company building with a rope made out of bedsheets

Gyu: Sounds fake but okay

King: SouNDs fAkE bUt oKAy  
King: I sincerely hope you asphyxiate in the middle of the night

Seokminnie: what does asphyxiate mean

King: Choke

Hoshi: YOU DONT HAVE TO BE MEAN  
Hoshi: ABOUT IT

Haohow: no hosh it literally means choke

King: Aspyxiate on thy bullshit mingyu

Gyu: What does jisoo see in you

King: More than anyone's seen in you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spread the word, I'm not dead. Follow me on Twitter @ShippedTrash (^‿^✿) k bye hope you enjoyed


	12. 25.12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeon Jungkook: im pretty sure i have more friends than you, if your utter lack of groupchats is anythin to go by
> 
> Chimchim: when the fuck did you go on my phone

**Me 'n My Lads**   
**25.12 14:11**

Chimchim: yoongi looks so awkward, its fuckin hilarious

Min Yoongi: crack? is that what you smoke? you smoke crack?

Chimchim: shut up why would i be smokin crack

Jeon Jungkook: where would jimin even get crack from hyung

Chimchim: wheres your faith  
Chimchim: anyway i had to carry yoongi out of the dorm ^-^

Jeon Jungkook: ive picked him up before, hes undeniably squirmy, how did you get anywhere with him

Chimchim: he mighta been asleep

Min Yoongi: i was asleep the kid literally fucking kidnapped me

Kim Seokjin: Jimin

Chimchim: i wasn gonna leave him alone hyung!!! he needed to do something vaguely interestin and hes not seein his family so i thought he could come see mine

Min Yoongi: your brother fucking despises my existence

Chimchim: no he doesnt

Jeon Jungkook: pfffttt yes he fucking does

Min Yoongi: wheres the nearest train station  
Min Yoongi: im gonna throw myself onto the fucking tracks

Chimchim: jungkook shut the fuck up he doesnt hate you hyung i swear on literally every piece of clothin i own  
Chimchim: if theres anyone he hates its jungkook because hes a dirty disgusting snake at the best of times who has no friends

Jeon Jungkook: im pretty sure i have more friends than you, if your utter lack of groupchats is anythin to go by

Chimchim: when the fuck did you go on my phone

Jeon Jungkook: classified information  
Jeon Jungkook: you don't even have a 95 liner chat or anythin  
Jeon Jungkook: theres this chat, the maknae chat, your personals with yoongi, tae and hyung and thats it

Chimchim: i just prefer talking to people face to face shut up  
Chimchim: who would i have a 95 liner chat with aside from tae?  
Chimchim: ik you have dk from svt in your dumbass 97 chat but sc, jh and js don't like us? i mean js and tae are kinda cool bc of their birthday but jh is kinda weirdly possessive and sc seems to tired to deal with us  
Chimchim: i dont know anyone else born in 95

Min Yoongi: you probably do, you just dont remember their fucking birthday

Kim Seokjin: awww you guys have a maknae chat?

Taetae: wait!!!!1 you talk to yoongi tht much!!!!??????

Chimchim: yes?

Jeon Jungkook: i was under the assumption you hated each other

Chimchim: and i was under the assumption youd learned to keep your goddamned mouth shut you bloody dipstick

Taetae: YEAHHHH YOU EXPOSED OUR CHAT

Kim Seokjin: your maknae chat was a secret? why do you even have a maknae chat what do you even talk about

Jeon Jungkook: actually jimins already mentioned it once

Chimchim: uhhh,,,, shit yeah i did

Taetae: we talk a lot of shit bout u guys lol and then we'll have conversations bout random things  
Taetae: jungkookie uses it to apologise to jimin when hes been rude!!!! ~

Kim Seokjin: ...

Min Yoongi: what in the fuck

Kim Seokjin: you can't see me but I'm definitely crying

Chimchim: yeah, thought so  
Chimchim: its just cause he gets all awkward and blushy but he feels bad so he apologises privately  
Chimchim: our maknae is cute ~

Jeon Jungkook: choke on your perfectly manicured nails you fake

Min Yoongi: and now hes offline great can you get your brother to stop fucking staring at me im five minutes away from throwing my phone at his fucking face

Taetae: don't hurt him :((( jihyunie's a cutie!!!!

Chimchim: oh my god tae shut the fuck up

Taetae: buuuttt heessss cuutteee and cuddlllyyyyy i wanna smosh his cheeks!!!!  
Taetae: u dont let me squish your cheeks jiminie ~ ;-;

Chimchim: my cheeks are stupid thats why

Kim Seokjin: oh right, HAPPY CHRISTMAS

Taetae: WRONG its mERRY CHRISTMAS :P

Kim Seokjin: i'm not perfect taehyung  
Kim Seokjin: you didn't open anything under the tree did you

Min Yoongi: yes

Chimchim: no  
Chimchim: yoongi shut up why would you say that

Min Yoongi: don't tell me to fucking shut up?

Chimchim: dont lie then!

Kim Seokjin: stop whining, both of you

Chimchim: we havent touched them and we wont touch them until you get back alright  
Chimchim: although i did open the present taetae left me <3 ;)

Taetae: and i opened the one u hid in my bag <3 ;)

Kim Seokjin: good. there's food in the fridge that can be easily heated until we get back as well and it better be eaten by the time we return because i know how bad you two are with looking after yourselves

Chimchim: thats mean seaokjin hyung i dont work for sixteen hours straight and then not sleep for another twenty four

Min Yoongi: but i dont fucking dance for nine hours straight every single day

Chimchim: i dont smoke because i want my body to ruin inself from the inside because i cant think of healthy coping mechanisms :)

Min Yoongi: and i dont drink three bottles of wine infused soju every other day because im fucking lonely :)

Kim Seokjin: you know what shut the fuck up  
Kim Seokjin: shut the fuck up  
Kim Seokjin: you're both unhealthy little shits you don't need to argue about who's worse

Jeon Jungkook: on the contrary, this is great, we get to learn new things about both of them

Kim Seokjin: oh my god it's literally christmas can you not antagonise each other

Jeon Jungkook: :(

Chimchim: jeon jungkook i hope you choke on your ugly attitude  
Chimchim: and while you do that me and hyung are gonna go find my cat and cuddle with her

Min Yoongi: since when the fuck did you have a fucking cat

Taetae: yeah since when did u hv a fucking cat ?

Chimchim: since maybe a week ago? it was a surprise for me from my dad! she's so pretty and small  
Chimchim: im goin to get yoongi attached to her so we can get a head start on operation mh

Min Yoongi: uh wait fucking what

Chimchim: BYE

Jeon Jungkook: ah shit i forgot about that

Taetae: i didn't!! u loser  
Taetae: is namjoon hyungie online rn

Kim Seokjin: should be, you can try pm

Taetae: okay!

Jeon Jungkook: well if i want to see my family at all this week i might as well start getting ready :/

Kim Seokjin: wait, you're not with your family  
Kim Seokjin: jungkook  
Kim Seokjin: j u n g k o o k you ugly rat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took a surprisingly long time to write i'm confused also hi >.< ^-^


End file.
